2017 Program

With White House mini-scandals arriving on a daily basis, Gridiron writers often had to look away from the national dumpster fire to find funny ideas from what seem relatively sane politics and cultural shifts of the state and regional level.

Act 1

“Translating Trump’s Tweets” ♫
It takes a village of reporters

Journalists at the Washington Post investigate the greatest controversy in the Trump administration

Editor – Sarah Warnock

Reporters – Erin Spandorf, Delcie Kincaid, Andrea Elvir, Clarissa Bustamante, Sarah Van Doorn and Julia Troop

More Reporters – The rest of the cast

“Madison County Gets a Lyft”
Booger County transport

When a stoplight comes to Madison County, getting from the Huntsville square to yonder mountain will require perfessional help. And a Mason jar full of some clear liquid.

Driver – Andrew Epperson
Riders – Niketa Reed and Rebecca Soard

“The Most Disinterested Man”
Tweet crazy, my friend, tweet crazy

What if Dos Equis had cast a different entertainer as its most interesting man?

The Voice – Andrew Epperson
The Man – Rusty Turner
Voice – Clarissa Bustamante and Antoinette Grajeda

“Ganja Get Me Some Meds”
Dr. Sativa at your service

Arkansas ballot initiatives put two medical marijuana proposals on last year’s ballot. The sane proposal was tossed, but voters approved the crazy one. Now patients are lining up.

Nurse – Andrea Elvir
Dr. Sativa – Charlie Alison
Mr. Craft – Flip Putthoff

“The Worst Wing”
Walk and talk, walk and talk

The disfunctional cast of characters in the White House exchange ideas in passing. Let the leaks begin.

Voiceover – Rusty Turner
Press Corps – Niketa Reed, Antoinette Grajeda, Ray Minor and Sarah Van Doorn
Sean Spicer – Dave Edmark
Sarah Huckabee Sanders – Julia Trupp
Assistant – Rebecca Soard
Reince Preibus – Steve Voorhies
Kellyanne Conway – Erin Spandorf
Anthony Scaramucci – Andrew Epperson
Reporter – Delcie Kincaid
Donald Trump Jr. – Shane White

“The Revolution Has Been Passed On”
Grab your pussy-hats and placards!

Be careful what you protest for, you just might get it.

Reporter – Delcie Kincaid
Protestors – Brenda Blagg, Charlie Alison, Stacey Roberts, DeMarius Davis, Clarissa Bustamante and Sarah Van Doorn

“Daddy Said” ♫
You can’t take the huckster out of a Huckabee

Sarah Huckabee Sanders laments her new-found speaking roll like chip off the old scolder.

Sarah Huckabee Sanders – Julia Trupp
Press Corps – Antoinette Grajeda, Katherine Shurlds, Erin Spandorf and Sarah Warnock

“Give Me Your Tired, Your Green …”
ICE, ICE Lady

Immigration agents stop the Statue of Liberty dead in her tracks and want to know how she arrived in America.

Lady Liberty – Britt Graves
ICE Agents – Andrea Elvir and Ray Minor

“AMPing It Up” ♫
Hey, hey, you, you, get offa my lawn

A little kerfuffle among young concert-goers at the Arkansas Music Pavilion earlier this year prompted Gridiron writers to wonder whether an older, wiser crowd could be drawn into rushing the stage.

Butterfield Generation – Charlie Alison, Brenda Blagg, Dave Edmark, Katherine Shurlds and Steve Voorhies
Young-un – Clarissa Bustamante

“Keep Manhattan, Just Make Me Look Dignified” ♫
Melania’s in a New York State of Mind

We get allergic hearing “Hey!”

Donald Trump – Rusty Turner
Melania Trump – Stacey Roberts

“A Radio Bo-mance”
No homerism here!

Callers to Bo Mattingly’s show want to wrap up a stinky Razorback season as quickly as possible.

Bo Mattingly – Ray Minor
Bret Bielema – Flip Putthoff
Callers – DeMarius Davis, Britt Graves, Rebecca Soard, Shane White and Steve Voorhies

It Was 50 Years Ago Today — OMG!” ♫
Seems like the Arkansas GOP has been in charge that long

The Arkansas Secretary of State’s decision to send the voting records of all Arkansans to the Trump administration, the Feds file corruption charges against a couple of legislators related to the religious Ecclesia College, Charlie Collins’ conceal-carry gun bill passes muster, and Jason Rapert looks to rebuild a monument to the 10 commandments. These aren’t strawberry fields.

Ringmaster – Stacey Roberts
Asa Hutchinson – Charlie Alison
Mark Martin – Andrew Epperson
Jason Rapert – Ray Minor
FOI Defenders – Erin Spandorf, Katherine Shurlds and Sarah Warnock
Micah Neal – Rusty Turner
Micah’s Friend – Flip Putthoff
Charlie Collins – Steve Voorhies
Charlie’s Cover – Dave Edmark and Andrew Epperson
Singers – Britt Graves and Rusty Turner
GOP Singers – Andrew Epperson, Antoinette Grajeda and Julia Trupp
DEM Singers – Andrea Elvir, Ray Minor and Niketa Reed
Beatlemaniacs – The rest of the cast

— Intermission —

Act 2

“Timely News Update”
Fake News at its Finest

The senior Gridiron correspondents bring you all the news Breitbart missed.

Brian Williams – Dave Edmark
Katy Tur – Antoinette Grajeda
Megyn Kelly – Stacey Roberts
Raul Castro – Ray Minor
Dr. Red Neck – Steve Voorhies
Nikita Malkovich – Flip Putthoff

“Tricky Russians on the Loose” ♫
Tapping into Hillary’s loss

FBI agents trade their gum shoes for the old soft shoe.

Hillary Clinton – Katherine Shurlds
FBI Agents – Charlie Alison, Clarissa Bustamante, Andrea Elvir, Rebecca Soard, Erin Spandorf, Julia Trupp, Sarah Van Doorn and Shane White

“A Bypass to Nowhere”
The road less traveled — like, hardly at all!

It’s easy for these tourists to mistake their route as the best bike path to Missouri.

Larry – Flip Putthoff
Dawn – Delcie Kincaid
LOL – Brenda Blagg

“Healthcare Hell” ♫
It’s a Seven-Year Bitch

If at first you don’t succeed at killing Obamacare, Republican senators will make sure you never succeed.

Tom Cotton – Andrew Epperson
GOP Senators – Flip Putthoff, Rusty Turner and Shane White

“Where Ya’ Gonna Pee?”
Bathroom bills make for tough going

If Arkansas really wants to confuse the bathroom issue, they need to legislate Spotify and really sort out the differences between all of us.

Bathroom Guide – Antoinette Grajeda
The Needy – Dave Edmark, Rebecca Soard, DeMarius Davis and Ray Minor

“Tomorrow Belongs to Angela” ♫
It might have been Hillary’s but…

The leader of the free world turns out to live in Germany.

Angela Merkel – Sarah Warnock
Beer Drinkers – Andrea Elvir, Niketa Reed, Stacey Roberts, Katherine Shurlds and Julia Trupp

“Painters Picturing NWA”
Artwork al fresco

The boom in murals being painted on the exterior of buildings in Northwest Arkansas will never run out of large-scale ideas if the Gridiron writers have their way.

Chrissy – Sarah Van Doorn
Frida – Clarissa Bustamante
Andy – DeMarius Davis

“The Stufflebeams”
There ain’t no tellin’ what’s on their minds

As the climate begins shifting, the Stufflebeams wonder who can cool down Mother Nature’s hot flash.

Letitia Mae Stufflebeam – Brenda Blagg
Elmer Stufflebeam – Steve Voorhies

“The Un-Welcome Wagon” ♫
Visit, spend your money, have a good time — then leave!

Northwest Arkansas gets ranked high on another list: regions that like visitors who know when to go home.

The Unwelcomers – Britt Graves, Erin Spandorf and Sarah Warnock

“Bunderwoman!”
Making a difference in Bentonville

Blunderwoman interviews potential superheroes who can leap the hillbilly image in a single bound and are more powerful than a backwoods cliche. Costumes now being issued.

Blunderwoman – Niketa Reed
Alice Walton – Stacey Roberts
Sandy Edwards – Antoinette Grajeda
Geena Davis – Delcie Kincaid

“Hello, Baby!” ♫
Coach needs a cold shower

When the Mississippi coach Hugh Freeze blamed recruiting violations on his predecessor, Houston Nutt, you had to know that texting would enter the picture.

Coach Freeze – Rusty Turner

“We Wanna See You Fired” ♫
And the list goes on

The controversial touchstones of the Trump administration’s first 260 days could fill the Oxford English dictionary, but we squeezed them into one anthem.

Listers – Katherine Shurlds, Julia Trupp, Rusty Turner, Britt Graves, Flip Putthoff, Andrew Epperson, Sarah Warnock and Ray Minor
Chorus – The rest of the cast

“Now It’s Over” ♫
We’re outta here …

The whole cast and caboodle