Northwest Arkansas Gridiron

The year of #MeToo brought women to the fore, naming names, setting agendas and running for office.

Act 1

“It’s a Beautiful Job” ♫
Won’t you be my reporter

Journalists in the White House briefing room learn that the replacement for Sarah Huckabee Sanders is none other than Mr. Rogers.

Reporters — Brenda Blagg, Alex Golden, Sarah Warnock, Dave Edmark, Ray Minor and the rest of the cast
Sarah’s Sub — Andrew Epperson

“Immigrating, Eh?”
Crossing the line

Two Americans fed up with life in Murrika try to sneak into Canada.

Mike — Steve Voorhies
Mabel — Antoinette Grajeda
Border Guard — Britt Graves

“Sisters Persisting” ♫
Putting on their running shoes

Four women look at the poor field of competitors and decide to make a run for office.

Race Runners — Andrea Elvir, Niketa Reed, Julia Trupp and Sarah Warnock

“True Defectives”
Everyone wants to be a star

The HBO television series True Detective arrives in Northwest Arkansas. What were the casting calls really like?

Casting directors — Rusty Turner, Andrew Epperson and Alex Golden
Bret Bielema — Flip Putthoff
County Judge Joseph Wood — Absent
Bubba — Mike Brown

“A Category 5 Storm” ♫
Two lawyers and a porn star

When it rains, it pours, as only these three can attest.

Michael Avenatti — Henry Aggus
Michael Cohen — Nathan Owens
Stormy Daniels — Ashton Eley

“There Once was a Fellow…”
Rhyming in prime time

While most of the arts are celebrated across Northwest Arkansas, only one form is fit for Gridiron: the Limerick.

Host — Andrew Epperson
Farmer from Dumas — Ray Minor
Bentonvillian — Stacey Roberts
Springdale Hipster — Heath Anderson
Arts Administrator — Britt Graves
Student Recruiter — Niketa Reed
Arts Supporter — Henry Aggus
Savvy Shields — Antoinette Grajeda
John Brummett — Steve Voorhies
Eureka Springer — Flip Putthoff

“eDelivering the eNews”
Wrap your fish in something else

When the Democrat-Gazette quit throwing newspapers and offered iPads to subscribers, this demographic had a time understanding it.

Geezers — Charlie Alison, Brenda Blagg, Dave Edmark and Debbie Miller

“Those Were the Days, Comrade” ♫
Putin the Puppeteer

Mother Russia kicks up her heels at the thought of having a new comrade.

Singer — Katherine Shurlds
Putin — Steve Voorhies
Dancers — Heath Anderson, Andrea Elvir, Andrew Epperson, Antoinette Grajeda, Alex Golden and Nathan Owens

“Who’s Got the Button”
A weapon of mass distraction

When the biggest nuclear threat to the country becomes its president, the military industrial complex plays it simple.

Generals — Dave Edmark, Ray Minor and Rusty Turner

“Dining Out … On Both Sides, On Both Sides”
Serving GOPs and Dems

Tired of political confrontation during the lunch hour? Just ask for the blue room or the red room.

Hostess — Debbie Miller
Kellyanne — Antoinette Grajeda
Sarah Huckabee Sanders — Julia Trupp
Kirstjen Nielsen — Isabel Vega
Elizabeth Warren — Sarah Warnock
Bernie Sanders — Dave Edmark
Server — Andrew Epperson

“Omarosa Unhinged” ♫
Changing the reality

Political reality star Omarosa Manigault Newman provides a lyrical tell-all.

Omarosa — Niketa Reed
Reality Backups — Andrea Elvir, Britt Graves and Katherine Shurlds

“Taking the Fine out of Wine”
Walmart wine available on Aisle Sicks

Do I detect a bouquet of satire and hint of sardonic humor? Pinto beige, anyone?

Will Lyons — Henry Aggus
Priscilla — Stacey Roberts
Wine Experts — Heath Anderson, Brenda Blagg, Debbie Miller and Nathan Owens

“Razorback SportsCenter” ♫
Who dropped the ball

During a year of would haves, should haves and could haves, did anyone win? Well, yes, the women’s teams.

Mike Irwin — Dave Edmark
Alyssa Orange — Britt Graves
Chancellor Steinmetz — Charlie Alison
Trustees — Henry Aggus and Katherine Shurlds
Jeff Long — Steve Voorhies
Bret Bielema — Flip Putthoff
Basketball Fans — Ray Minor and Stacey Roberts
Baseball Players — Heath Anderson, Nathan Owens and Andrew Epperson
Softball Players — Andrea Elvir, Julia Trupp and Sarah Warnock
Shauna Taylor — Antoinette Grajeda
Track Team Member — Niketa Reed
Gymnast — Alex Golden
Soccer Player — Ashton Eley
Brooke Schultz — Isabel Vega
Hunter Yuracheck — Rusty Turner
Chad Morris — Mike Brown
Fans — Brenda Blagg and Debbie Miller

— Intermission —

Act 2

“Timely News Update”
Relying on Unreliable Sources

The latest most sensational news from the enemies of the state.

Brian Williams — Dave Edmark
Andrea Mitchell — Stacey Roberts
Dr. Red Neck — Steve Voorhies
Rachel Maddow — Sarah Warnock
Joyce Vance — Antoinette Grajeda

“Aiming for Charlie Collins” ♫
Denise has him in her sights

Offering lessons in target practice without ever pulling the trigger.

Denise Garner — Katherine Shurlds

“Ivanka’s New Frontier”
She’s never out of fashion

How does one combine a love of public service with a zest for fashion? How about Space Force uniforms.

Ivanka — Ashton Eley
Models — Andrew Epperson and Isabel Vega

“Stuck in the Muddle” ♫
It’s not a place Steve is used to

Rep. Steve Womack finds himself stuck between a moderate Democrat and far-right wackos.

Regina Hopper — Sarah Warnock
Steve Womack — Rusty Turner
Josh Mahony — Henry Aggus
Michael Kalagias — Mike Brown
Jason Tate — Nathan Owens
Josh Moody — Flip Putthoff

“CDC’s Seven Dirty Words”
Words verboten during the Trump Administration

A comedian returns to life, ready to skewer every bureaucratic brother schmucker.

George Carlin — Charlie Alison

“Lunchtime at Neal’s”
Heads are rolling … and not just on the walls!

Legislators drop in for a spicy entree with plenty of kickback.

Diners — Mike Brown, Debbie Miller and Ray Minor
Waitress — Britt Graves

“You’re Not the World” ♫
Preaching from the choir

Around the globe, national leaders are singing a new tune.

Angela Merkel — Sarah Warnock
Theresa May — Katherine Shurlds
Justin Trudeau — Andrew Epperson
Emmanuel Macron — Nathan Owens
Chorus — Henry Aggus, Andrea Elvir, Britt Graves, Niketa Reed, Stacey Roberts, Julia Trupp and Rusty Turner

“The Stufflebeams”
Elmer gets a gubmint job

Whenever the resistance needs assistance, Elmer lends his voice.

Letitia Mae Stufflebeam — Brenda Blagg
Elmer Stufflebeam — Steve Voorhies

“Pickin’ Pot Purveyors”
Grilling the ganja growers

Two companies of ganjapreneurs compete with a sample of their product.

Herb — Ray Minor
Mary — Britt Graves
Jane — Sarah Warnock
Ganjapreneurs — Henry Aggus and Stacey Roberts
Hippies LLC — Heath Anderson and Julia Trupp

“Ain’t No Sunshine in D.C.” ♫
Reporters lament lack of openness

Transparency, shmansparency. He who owns the document, keeps the document secret.

Reporters — Ashton Eley, Andrea Elvir and Niketa Reed

“Making the Vote Count”
Poll workers keep things under control

Proving identification is like playing a game of twenty questions. Or more.

Poll Workers — Debbie Miller and Alex Golden
Voter Wannabes — Dave Edmark, Charlie Alison, Isabel Vega, Flip Putthoff and Katherine Shurlds

“Where’s Dumbo” ♫
The elephant is in the room

We kept him out of the show as long as we could.

Mystery Guest — Rusty Turner

“The Kim and I” ♫
International relations as musical tragedy

Kim and Vlad cross the rubicon with our presidential rube, er, con.

Kellyanne Conway — Antoinette Grajeda
President Trump — Rusty Turner
Rex Tillerson — Mike Brown
Sarah Huckabee Sanders — Julia Trupp
Reporters — Andrew Epperson, Britt Graves and Isabel Vega
Fox News Reporter — Alex Golden
Mike Pompeo — Charlie Alison
Kim Jong Un — Brenda Blagg
Vladimir Putin — Steve Voorhies
GOP — Ray Minor, Stacey Roberts, Flip Putthoff, Henry Aggus, Dave Edmark, Debbie Miller and Katherine Shurlds
Democrats — Nathan Owens, Niketa Reed, Britt Graves, Heath Anderson, Ashton Eley, Andrea Elvir and Sarah Warnock

“Now It’s Over” ♫
We’re outta here …

And not a moment too soon.

The caricatures, collaborators and cast